Christmas in Paradise 2017
Well, it’s been a long time since I stood on the end of Alan Key, staring out at whatever piece of ocean Whicker Island is drifting through at the time, and I must say it is good to be back home, albeit just for a few days over the festive period.
The sea is calm, and with it my mood, so I shall shortly take a sail on the Presidential dinghy ‘Syllepsis’ around Good Point to visit my old friend Major Owen Frock, latterly of the Shereet Rifles, partake of some Christmas date daiquiris, and talk over old times, before he uses them to line the parrot’s cage.
To all of you in my second home of The Untied Kingdom of Blighty it may seem strange to think that 70 degrees and sunny is the norm for Christmas, but Mount Venus always provides the answer for Northern visitors at this time of year, with a gentle eruption of a thin layer of white pumice as far as the outskirts of Whickerton and the Snowlay Roundabout. This has the added benefit of giving extra flavour to the apples in my Tungin Cider (‘Juices Flowing Since ‘69’) plantations. The Perfect Pink Palace and Gloriana varieties have been doing particularly well of late.
Speaking of which, I have news. Yours truly, Hector, has met someone very special. Her name is Random, Random Barmaid, and she is quite lovely, once one gets past the swearing. We met by chance when I stepped over her in the new Vegan restaurant and bar on Moonlight Bay, ‘The Lettuce Inn’. If she hadn’t held on to my leg for the next hour I probably wouldn’t have had the courage to start a conversation of course, but it turns out that she is very easy to talk to, though sometimes harder to understand. Almost her first words to me were “I bloody love you, you’re all right”, so I’m taking that as a good sign for a happy future together. I only hope the paperwork she has asked me to sign will indeed “ensure safe passage away from this Hell hole”. It seemed a job reference was the least I could do as she was clearly not happy working for Vegans, though I’ve always found them a pleasant enough people in a pale slightly sickly way.
Anyway, I have to go and report in to have my electronic tag checked (my staff so look after me here, almost as well as at Hector’s House), so have a very Merry Christmas and I will blog you (as I now almost glibly call it) in the New Year.